HOW TO BE LAME

by bunnyrape

so you want to be lame. but you already type with perfect punctuation. so stop, stfu and read on k? this is primarily aimed at irc, it will not work so well in other chat/msg clients.

lesson 1 ->

lesson #1: the lame nickname

ok, read up. the first step of being lame is having a lame nickname. if you have something on irc like ‘rosebuds’ or ‘bigcat’, people are likely to take you more seriously. go for something controversial and/or try to include lame words. you can also have a name which makes no sense, but usually you get banned much more quickly like that. i assume you use efnet, since the nicks below are a max of 9 chars. if you use dalnet, you’re already lame, so you don’t need to read this tutorial.

examples:

kekekeke
snakesex

hi2uplz

asdflkjh

lesson 2 ->

lesson #2: lame smileys

lame smileys are a critical part of any lamer’s lameness. you can use them anywhere, as their meaning is usually undefined and random. all these smileys work best in verdana.

examples:

O_O – eyes wide open

o_O / O_o – one eye open

^_^ - korean smile

^^ - korean smile (only lamer with no mouth)

:O – used as shocked non-lamely, but still important to use

:\ - slightly irritated/confused/damn/hmm etc.
:S - some meaning.. who knows what exactly? :\

:x / :X - no idea

you can also adapt any letter/symbol to a smiley. that way you can personalize your lame intentions.

examples:

X – X_X
P – p_P

? - ?_?

lesson 3 ->

lesson #3: lame words – hi2u

hi2u is undeniably the gayest greeting you can give someone. which owns. because it’s precisely what we want to achieve. you can mix hi2u with other lame words and phrases.

examples:

omghi2u

die2u

hi2uasl

thx2u

lesson 4 ->

lesson #4: lame words – die

die is the most common response to anything and everything. whenever someone makes a 1% or more serious statement (or a request), just put a little ‘die’ or ‘dieplz’ after.

examples:

<person1> i think this channel needs moderating

<person2> die

lesson 5 ->

lesson #5: lame words – plz

plz can be combined with most things. it looks a lot lamer than ‘please’. it is often used after a request on a single line.

examples:

dieplz

plzdie

stfuplz

examples 2:

<person1> anyone have xyz123.r05

<person1> plz

lesson 6 ->

lesson #6: lame words – thx

like plz, thx can be combined with most things. unlike plz, thx can be used as a more direct term. eg: instead of asking ‘stfuplz’, say ‘stfuthx’. it’s more lame, more personal and more ownage. :O it also works on it’s own line, like ‘k’ (see example 2). it can also be reinforced (like ‘k’) with ONE exclamation mark. only ever use one!

examples:

stfuthx

diethx

plzthx

thx2u

examples 2:

<person1> hey

<person2> stfu

<person2> thx!

lesson 7 ->

lesson #7: lame words – np

np = ‘no problem’. commonly used after a personal comment or when you or someone else receives thanks. works best after thanks for someone else, so you can reap credit for something you never did. lame huh? X_X

examples:

stfukthxnp

examples 2:

* DCC send from person3 completed in 14m

<person1> thanks person3 for the file

<person2> np

lesson 8 ->

lesson #8: lame words – lol

this word was stolen and made lame. never say ‘rofl’ or ‘lmao’. they make you like a moron. and you want to be lame. not a moron. k? no matter how funny something is, use either lol, or add a z0r (explained later). also, make sure to laugh at things that aren’t funny either to anyone or to the person saying it. if you overuse lol, like after every line someone says, it becomes extremely annoying and therefore lame. which is good.

examples:

<person1> some lame joke!!!! punchline here!!

<person2> lol

examples 2:

<person1> did you see george bush on tv?

<person2> lol

<person1> stfu person2

<person2> lol

<person1> ok that’s really annoying

<person2> lol

<person1> ..

lesson 9 ->

lesson #9: lame words – teh

teh is great. use it lots (in place of ‘the’), but don’t overuse it. because you look like a moron. :/ it’s sometimes used in conjunction with adjectives without an ending attached. see example 1.

examples:

i am teh sux

i am teh win

i am teh yum

i am teh leet

lesson 10 ->

lesson #10: lame words – omg

omg = oh my god. omg is another overused but lame and kewl because of that. it’s a word enhancer - use it nonsparingly, but less than plz and thx.

examples:

omghi2u

omgwtflol

dieplzomg

lesson 11 ->

lesson #11: lame words – wtf

wtf = what the fuck. common use, but still required to be ultra lame.

examples:

lolwtf

wtf r u doing omg

stfu plzwtf

lesson 12 ->

lesson #12: lame words – pwn

pwn = own = rape = destroy. used after battles and such (if you won it/them).

examples:

i pwned u omg

lesson 13 ->

lesson #13: lame words – asl

asl = age sex location. use for attention and as a greeting. this word also got hijacked and made lame.

examples:

* joins: person2

<person1> hi2u person2 asl?

<person2> stfuplz

lesson 14 ->

lesson #14: replacing common words

replacing common words with shorter counterparts in certain phrases can gain you lame points. replace ‘you’ with ‘u’, ‘are’ with ‘r’, ‘and’ with ‘n’, ‘see’ with ‘c’ and ‘why’ with ‘y’. you can replace ‘too’ with ‘2’, but it’s not the same effect.

examples:

i c u, u lamer

u r teh lose

y r u doing that

r u a lamer

i r teh god of teh world

stfu n die n stuff

lesson 15 ->

lesson #15: exclamation marks

use lots of exclamation marks in place of where you’d normally use one or two. make sure towards the end you start adding ‘1’s instead of ‘!’s.

examples:

hahahaha stfuplz i own u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

lesson 16 ->

lesson #16: k

k can be used to enforce a sentence (much like thx) and also used on it’s own line (to enforce the line before, attempt to stop a conversation or to announce your [re]arrival). like ‘thx’, if you use an exclamation mark only ever use ONE! multiples such as ‘kk’ or ‘kkk’ can also be used to acknowledge something.

examples:

<person1> hi

<person2> stfu n die

<person2> k?

examples 2:

<person1> blahblah person3

<person3> blah person2

<person2> k

examples 3:

<person1> person2 can you send me dev-sex.r62397205901?

<person2> kkkkkk

lesson 17 ->

lesson #17: prolong the end character

easy to do, do it when you want attention.

examples:

* quits: person1 (blahblah some quit msg)

<person2> i’m so boredddddddddddddddddddddddd

lesson 18 ->

lesson #18: trout slapping

a mirc specialty, makes little difference where you do it, good places include on joins, randomly when someone speaks... you can also excessively trout slap for maximum effect (see example 2).

examples:

* joins: person1

* person2 slaps person1 around a bit with a large trout

examples 2:

<person1> hi

* person2 slaps person1 around a bit with a large trout

* quits: person1 (escaping)

lesson 19 ->

lesson #19: all lower case

make sure, unless you type in all caps, that you type in all lower case (unless trying to impersonate an aol user with mixed caps).

lesson 20 ->

lesson #20: all upper case

a classic in forums, irc and just about everywhere on the internet. don’t use all upper case all the time, but the right amount in the right place can score you a serious claim to the lame hall of fame.

examples:

* joined channel #nomp3s

<person1> HELP WHERE CAN I FIND MP3S!!?????!!!!11111111111111

lesson 21 ->

lesson #21: !list and @find

some xdcc/fserve channels enable !list and @find. if they don’t, or no longer do support the triggers, make sure you use them to full lame advantage.

examples:

* joined channel #nomp3s

<person1> @find the_riaa_cant_touch_me.mp3

lesson 22 ->

lesson #22: z0r

z0r can be tagged onto most things to enhance it. works best with ‘lol’.

examples:

<person1> some funny joke omg so funny lol!!!!11

<person2> omglolz0r

lesson 23 ->

lesson #23: leet speak/cs talk

leet speak just involves replacing letters with numbers. I -> 1, L -> 1, E -> 3, A -> 4, S -> 5, T -> 7, B -> 8, G -> 9, O -> 0. also, j00 = you / h4x0r = hacker. do not use leet speak excessively. or you’ll be deemed a moron. leet speak mirc scripts are also very useful. additionally, speak about cs (counter-strike) is also extremely lame. gg (good game), hf (have fun), and n00b (newbie) are all part of the vocabulary.

examples:

* person1 killed person2 with a headshot from awm

<person1> 101 p3r50n2 j00 n008 1 pwn3d u 14m3r cuz 1 4m 73h h4x0r

lesson 24 ->

lesson #24: 0r

changing ‘er’ on the end of words to ‘0r’ is very lame. :O so use it, whore! also, adding 0r on the end of some words can enhance them considerably.

examples:

y do u suck0r

u r 4 14m0r

sex0r2uplz

lesson 25 ->

lesson #25: ban requests

if you invade a channel and start being lame, there may be no active ops. if so, when people start requesting bans, type something like !ban yournick/!kickban yournick/!banmeplz. beware, when an op returns.. your command requests may just come true. :O

examples:

* joined channel #math

<person1> HELP PLZ WHAT IS 1+1 !????!1111111111

<person2> stfu

<person3> someone ban this lamer

<person1> k

<person1> !ban person1

<person1> !kickbanmeplz

lesson 26 ->

lesson #26: op requests

in a channel you know (or if you’re suicidal a channel you don’t), try saying !op yournick or !opmeplz. it’s lame and it may get you banned but it’s fun anyway :O

examples:

* joined channel #iknowthischannel

<person1> !op

<person1> !op person1
<person1> do you want to experience something new? then type /mode #iknowthischannel +o person1

<@person2> die

lesson 27 ->

lesson #27: foreign laughs/smileys/text

if you want to be extremely lame but from a different country, try typing foreign laughs such as ‘kekeke’ (korea) and ‘jejeje’ (brazil). also try some foreign smileys such as )) (russia), :))))) (mexico), :] (poland) and ^^ (korea). foreign text includes stuff such as ‘i r korea’, ‘brasil is the amazing!!!!!!!11’ and such. also, try typing in a language you know is banned from a certain channel. it’s fun and lame :O

examples:

* joined channel #english

<person1> HALLO

<person1> I R KOREA

<person1> R U SPEAK KOREANGLISH AS WELL ME?!!!1111

<person1> KEKEKEKEK OMG ^_^ :]]]
<person1> PARLEZ VOUS FRANCAIS? NON? ESPECE DE CONNARDS ANGLAIS... VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE!!!111

<@person2> die u foreign lamer

lesson 28 ->

lesson #28: colours/colour spam/pictures

since mirc supports colours, they’ve be used as a very reliable source of lameness. just a few colours and you’ve got some lame points already. spam a lot of coloured text, and you get more points. spam an entire picture comprised of coloured text and you get maximum points. usually the latter is done by a script, refer to lesson 28. bold also helps enhance the colours by making them wider/bigger. :\

examples:

* joined channel #nocoloursplz

<person1> FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

<@person2> stfu y0u lamer faggot

lesson 29 ->

lesson #29: scripts/bots

mirc also supports scripts. lame scripts are always useless and slightly annoying. good ones include: leet speak talking scripts, typo scripts, colour spam scripts, colour picture scripts, multiple trout slap scripts and so on. bots can also be made with pointless triggers, such as one than returns a random chance of pregnancy between two nicks with a ‘!rape nick’ command.

examples:

<person1> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

examples 2:

<person1> !rape person2

<bot1> chance of pregnancy between person1 and person2: 85%.

<person2> wtf r u gay person1??????!!!!11

examples 3:

* person1 slaps person2 around a bit with a large trout

* person1 slaps person3 around a bit with a large trout

* person1 slaps person4 around a bit with a large trout

* person1 slaps person5 around a bit with a large trout

* person1 slaps person6 around a bit with a large trout

<@person2> turn that script off person1, now!!!11

examples 4:

<person1> hye1 loui’ att my kpol tyop sicript!

<@person2> and i thought i was lame :/

lesson 30 ->

lesson #30: full stops

a full stop on a single line can enhance the line before, draw attention, be complete random and pointless, amongst other things. either way, it’s lame, so use it. k?

examples:

* quits: person2 (someserver someserver2)

* quits: person3 (someserver someserver2)

* quits: person4 (someserver someserver2)

* quits: person5 (someserver someserver2)

<person1> gay netsplits

<person1> .

examples 2:

<person1> sex is good

<person2> .

lesson 31 ->

lesson #31: homosexuality

usage of ‘gay’ and ‘faggot’ is quintessential to be lame. so do so. also ‘whore’, ‘bitch’ and ‘slut’ are invaluable vocabulary essentials. :O big words omgwtf O_O

examples:

u r teh gay omg

omgstfu u gay :O

fuck u faggotslut

y r u teh lame bitchz0r o_O

die whore

lesson 32 ->

lesson #32: repeated ‘go’

repeated ‘go’ phrases such as ‘gogogogogoogoggooggogogog’ are lame, annoying and korean. three things which make a good lame phrase. used in games like starcraft where a host has the start the game when everyone has joined...

examples:

<person1> person2 i need a file

<person2> ok, sec

<person1> hurry

<person1> gogogogoggogogooogogggogogoogogogoogo

lesson 33 ->

lesson #33: repeated ‘lol’

like go, lol can be repeated. eg: ‘lololololololol’. not really an expression of laughter, more of an extremely gay way to express boredom.

examples:

<person1> serious chat

<person2> damn serious talk here

<person3> lololololololololololol

<person2> die :/

lesson 34 ->

lesson #34: modified quoting

if someone says something which has an obvious alternate form which can incriminate or make a slight humorous reproduction, change it!

examples:

<person1> so person2, did you do anything good yesterday?

<person2> yep, i went hunting and bagged a sheep

<person3> <person2> yep, i went hunting and shagged a sheep

<person3> lolomg u perv o_O

lesson 35 ->

lesson #35: ending in z

pretty simple, change plurals from s to z to make them more lame. usually you can change s to z in most words.

examples:

<person1> omg do you have teh ftpz?
<person2> lolz @ u!!1 teh mp3s on teh warez ftpz iz sux0rz!!1

lesson 36 ->

lesson #36: yo mama jokes

find some good yo mama jokes and overuse them on purpose. annoying and gay, two critical factors which makes it lame. O_O

examples:

<person1> hi

<person2> person1, yo mama’s like a chicken coop, cocks fly in and out all day.

lesson 37->

lesson #37: combining smileys and words

since most smileys contain letters, you can combine them with words (lame words if possible), to make lame smileywordthings. try it!

examples:

lo_Ol

:omg

end ->

END

well, that’s the end. i hope you learned something useful and lame. it’s up to you to combine all the elements of lameness together and make the lamest sentences known to the god of lameness’ lame son of lame.

msg me on irc (bunnyrape) or join channel #dnbwh0res (efnet). till next time, y r u so lame plz die bc i pwn j00 47 73h cs skillz!!!!!!111 kekekk3kk3kke plz @find teh sex.rar thx. np k?

THIS TEXT IS VERSION 1.2

CREDITS

cruplayer, triune and nrgetik for mirrors.

cruplayer, ]olly[ and myself for ideas/content.